I feel the best physically I have all year.
It was an intense year. I have endured 130 nights in the hospital over 8 months, 10 catheter insertions, 200+ injections, 50+ chemotherapy infusions, 15 spinal chemotherapies and 2000 tablets. I lost 14 kilograms and then gained back 19 kgs, went through a few days in delirium (a form of madness), had a pulmonary embolism, had intense diaphragm spasm for a day, could not walk at all for 3 days, spent 45+ days when walking and sitting was a pain, have had bleedings all over my body, seen hospital roommates lose their memory and suffer a stroke, and I’ve lost my hair twice.
But! I am here, out of hospital, clinging to life. I am as passionate about crypto and biotech, if not more. And I continue to appreciate the school of blood cancer. Through this year, I have learnt how to cook, speak excellent German, learnt some Yoga and read a ton about biotech. I don’t feel any wiser. On the contrary, I am tired and prone to anger. At times, I feel sad and nostalgic. I find myself looking wistfully at my younger self in photos.
I have earned an MRD negative complete remission. In simple terms, no cancer cells are detected in my body within the limitations of modern methods. It also has implications on the probability of long-term survival. Perhaps 75% in my case. To keep those chances, I need to continue chemotherapy for another 2 years. But, it will be done majorly from home. If cancer does not re-appear, these survival odds will go higher. And if, by April 2024, I have not had cancer come back, then I will have survived it with high probability (>95%).
Today though, there’s that other 25% chance that hangs over me like a sword. If the coin lands this way, I have further battles-more complex battles-to fight for survival. Inside that 25% chance is also a chance, perhaps a 1 in 8 chance, that this is the sunset of my life. Death is, with a 1 in 8 probability, around the corner, even though this is the best I feel all this year.
I am grateful that I have received the best modern medicine can offer a patient of my age and condition. I was lucky to be in Basel at diagnosis. The University Hospital is full of competent doctors and nurses. Thank you Basel, and thank you Switzerland for everything done to save and rehabilitate me. I was also lucky to have a circle of family and friends helping me through this year. Several family members and friends visited. Thank you all — you know who you are!
So, what next? For one, the continuation of this chemodiary. I intend to detail my experiences of the year and steps I take for the future. The most important step, now that I have some energy, is to prepare for a sunset. That preparation will be the focus of this chemodiary. Cryonics incoming!
For another, I am back at Chorus One, the crypto company I co-founded. Surprisingly, I find it easy to adapt to crypto again. I also realize how much I love engineering cryptosystems. I thought I’ll work 2 hours a day, but the call of Chorus has me in front of the screen a lot more. I am anemic right now, but still able to contribute.
Finally, if I am granted enough time, I intend to use all the medical and biotech knowledge productively. I already have ideas in this direction, but find no point detailing them at the current moment. Maybe, the chemodiary will contain those experiments in the future — we shall see.
Until next time!
